A Beautiful Sin by Terri E. Laine & A.M. Hargrove

Author:Terri E. Laine & A.M. Hargrove
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Published: 2016-06-22T21:00:00+00:00

Friday afternoon, I dodged traffic on the expressway leading into town. Frustration with the sluggish flow of cars had me asking God for patience. The L would have been a better choice, but hindsight was always clearest. Locating my destination, it took me another twenty minutes to find parking. One more reason I should’ve taken the L. Once my car was situated, I had to jog to make it on time. The late summer day was hot and humid, as can sometimes be the case in early September in Chicago. With dismay, I noticed the sweat marks on my T-shirt. Too late to worry about it now. At least I wasn’t wearing my collar. It would’ve been worse. I opened the doors and the dark coolness was a welcome change to the outside heat. I walked with a solid purpose, as I knew I had no choice, opened the next door, and knelt. Words poured from my mouth. The dam had burst.

“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was six days ago.” I heard the priest say a few words and then I launched into my disclosure. “I have committed a grave transgression in the eyes of our Lord God, Jesus Christ. I have had lustful thoughts about a woman. And these thoughts have plagued me for days and nights, interfering with my duties and obligations.”

“My son,” the priest began, “it is not uncommon for a man to have thoughts such as yours.”

“Father, these thoughts are wrong, and to take them further, I kissed this woman.”

“Have you had sex with her outside of marriage?”

“No, Father. But you don’t understand. That would never be possible because I have received the Sacrament of Holy Orders. I am an ordained priest.”

Dead silence greeted me, so I assumed the poor man was reduced to speechlessness. I couldn’t imagine how I would feel.

“Father, I don’t know what to do. I have begged God for mercy, asked Jesus for help, pleaded with the Holy Spirit for faith to overcome this affliction, to no avail. I am at a loss.”

“You must say your penance, my son, and not commit these transgressions again. Am I to assume you have not broken your vow of celibacy?”

“Besides kissing her, I have not.”

“God sends us many obstacles and Satan sends us many temptations. Just remember that God is very forgiving.” He doled out my penance and said his prayers of reconciliation, absolving me of my sins, while I recited the Act of Contrition. I left the confessional not feeling the tiniest bit better.

Saturday, it was my rotation to celebrate Mass. I was fully prepared and my soul was anxious to be spiritually fed. As I entered the sacristy, the expected sense of dread filled me. It was the scent of incense that triggered my harshest memories. I’d tried desensitizing myself over the years, to no avail. My body knew. It knew what to expect when the odor was near me. Sweat trickled down my forehead and chest, and I shuddered.

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